I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by people you love. My Christmas was good but will be great when my mom gets out of the hospital. It seems like things just keep coming up. But Praise God they are being caught and dealt with before major issues arise. But that is not what this post is about. Its not even my normal post I think. But a friend of mine came to visit my mom in the hospital. This friend is a dear friend of mine and has been for a long time. She has always been a confident woman not afraid to speak her mind. Anyway, she had lost some weight and looked great (as she always has), and said that she had reached her goal weight and was happy. Well, I thought about that. After I had my daughter, I was rather large. I was under the idea that baby weight just came off. Yep...I could not have been more wrong. Anyway, 2 years later, I have lost the baby weight plus some. I reached my original goal weight. I think most girls just have a number in their head of what they would like to see on the scale. Well, I hit that. Keep in mind, I am doing this the old fashioned way...good ole healthy eating and exercise. It is kind of my hubby and I's thing. We have really gotten into fitness and continue to find and do new programs all the time. Right now we are both doing Les Mills Combat which I love for many reasons. Also eating healthy, we dont like to say diet, because typically when you "lose" weight you find it again. We dont want to do that. So we made a lifestyle change and eat healthy. I get so excited when my sweet daughter eats her fruit and veggies before anything else. Anyway, I digress. So I hit my goal weight and said...hmmmm I wonder if I can do an extra 10 pounds. I am about 5 pounds down with 5 left to go. Then I just want to stay fit and healthy.
But during this journey, I realized I had never felt confident in myself. Not that I can think of ever. I have always had extra pounds to lose. Again in the hospital, someone was visiting my mom and was speaking of her specialty red velvet cakes (one of my favorites next to these super yummy cupcakes a precious lady in bible study makes). She said she could bring me one, and I said something to the effect of its not good for my eating habits. She replied with something to the effect of you are not going to lose 22 pounds like so and so did when so and so was in the hospital are you. I replied for the first time in my life that I dont actually have 22 pounds to lose. Yet, I am still not comfortable/confident with how I look. Mainly my belly. I feel like no matter how much I have worked, there is still that little pooch that reminds me of jello. Yes, I should wear my mommy belly proudly, as I carried a wonderful child in there but it still escapes. Yes I like myself, there are things about my self I would change (the jello pooch is obvious) but for the most part I like who I am and what I look like, but I have never exuded that confidence my friend had. I may look confident to others as they pass by, but sometimes I feel thats just real world training. You can't look weak or insecure. I want that confidence in myself. I know it is and I am a work in progress. I am already liking the results I am seeing 2 weeks into my combat journey, but I wonder how many people feel like I do? I will never be the size 0 or 2. I am not structurally built that way. But I should be proud of my journey and who I am and who cares what I look like. God loves me and so does my husband. I dont know. Maybe I am just weird. There are just days when I need to take my mind off all that is going on right now. I guess this was the winner today. For those of you who read this I encourage you to hug and kiss your loved ones. Treasure them for they are treasures. Also, remember that no matter what God loves you. No matter what is going on in your life, He is there and always will be. Turn your eyes to the Lord.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The Heartbreak in the Season
We finished Nehemiah at the beginning on December. The name of the study was Nehemiah, A heart that can break. Well this December has been filled with tragedy and sadness in all directions for me. My precious mom has been sick and is in the hospital. We are not sure when she will be getting out, but we are praying before Christmas. A friends sisters husband had a heart attack and passed away at the age of 42, leaving behind his wife and 2 children. Another friends friend sister was killed in a car accident leaving behind her husband and 4 kiddos 3 of which are very young. Oh yeah and she was pregnant. Then yesterday the senseless killing of so many innocent children and teachers who died protecting them. Not to mention the previous months of losing my grandmother and my husbands grandfather. My heart is broken. Truly broken. The brokenness of it all is so much especially at this joyful time of year. I myself have been busy and exhausted. With my mom in the hospital, all my "plans" have been altered. I try and get up there most days to see her and spend some time with her. Other days I just cant. When I cant, it breaks my heart again. I don't know if I have ever felt so broken over a Christmas season. But what I do know is that I have felt closer to God because of it all. I have cried out to him, it feels like every day. My daily prayers have changed to crying out to him for healing and comfort of all those broken around me. It just seems natural to do so. Yesterday, I left extra early to pick up my daughter from preschool and hold her extra tight. I took her to Sweet Cece's just because I could. Last night there was a cookie exchange that I missed, because my husband works so very hard so I can stay home, so I sat and snuggled with my girl and read her books until bed time. I thought of those who could no longer do that, and I was sad for them and grateful to hold my little girl in my arms. I have seen political rhetoric asking for a ban of guns, more help for the mentally disabled and more.
Here are my thoughts, no one could have seen this coming. I think we are affected by this because they were small innocent children who did not deserve this (not that anyone does but we hold children in higher regard as a society). People in general want to blame someone or something, guns, God, mental ability etc. Lets all be real for a minute....guns don't kill people and a gun ban will just bring about more guns, God had nothing to do with this, evil exists and this is proof, God will be there for those families and what He will do with it is only known to Him alone, as for mental ability, I have no information to bring to that other than no one can know the thoughts of every single person at every single moment of every single day. It just cant happen. People want to blame. How about instead looking to God and trying to live as He guides us to. True peace can only come from Him. Peace like a River. I cannot imagine being one of those parents in Connecticut, but I will continue to pray for them, and all the families right now that need prayers. Instead of trying to place blame and throw our political ideas out there, lets try to grieve as a country, pray as a country, and live as children of God. In the tragedy that surrounds us, I find comfort in seeing more and more people turning their eyes to the Lord. Maybe thats we are getting out of this. Remembering that Jesus is the reason for the Season. Our Savior was born and died for us. Let us not forget that fact. I leave you with something I saw on Facebook and thought appropriate to share:
This was written by Max Lucado today and is a prayer that could could spill from any of our hearts this evening:
Dear Jesus,
It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. T
Here are my thoughts, no one could have seen this coming. I think we are affected by this because they were small innocent children who did not deserve this (not that anyone does but we hold children in higher regard as a society). People in general want to blame someone or something, guns, God, mental ability etc. Lets all be real for a minute....guns don't kill people and a gun ban will just bring about more guns, God had nothing to do with this, evil exists and this is proof, God will be there for those families and what He will do with it is only known to Him alone, as for mental ability, I have no information to bring to that other than no one can know the thoughts of every single person at every single moment of every single day. It just cant happen. People want to blame. How about instead looking to God and trying to live as He guides us to. True peace can only come from Him. Peace like a River. I cannot imagine being one of those parents in Connecticut, but I will continue to pray for them, and all the families right now that need prayers. Instead of trying to place blame and throw our political ideas out there, lets try to grieve as a country, pray as a country, and live as children of God. In the tragedy that surrounds us, I find comfort in seeing more and more people turning their eyes to the Lord. Maybe thats we are getting out of this. Remembering that Jesus is the reason for the Season. Our Savior was born and died for us. Let us not forget that fact. I leave you with something I saw on Facebook and thought appropriate to share:
This was written by Max Lucado today and is a prayer that could could spill from any of our hearts this evening:
Dear Jesus,
It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. T
icked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children
Monday, November 26, 2012
The Service in the Season
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did. It was filled with food, family, fun, and of course doctors. But that is another story for another time. Everyone is okay so no worries. We had family time and got our Christmas tree up. I love this time of year. People are generally happier (when not in traffic or shopping). People seem to come together more. But I have always loved Christmas. I think it is the whole spirit of everything. This year I thought about doing an advent calendar. One of service. I don't think I am that great at service but I want to get better and I want to teach my daughter. Well I stumbled on a pin on pinterest. I had a free moment while my husband was working out and my daughter was sleeping. I decided to actually read it, you know instead of just pinning and moving on. I could not be happier that I did. It was a total God thing!
The blog is http://lillightomine.com/index.php. Her project is called Light 'Em Up!, the slogan is "Families Light Up the Community with Kindness". Wow. This was what I was looking for and did not even know it. She talks about bringing God glory this season and remembering that it is all about Him and not us. Teaching her kids what is really important this time of year. She has ideas, printable tags, well just about all the resources you need to do this. I printed it out and talked it over with my husband. We split the list of 100 and circled things we actually thought we could do. There ended up being 24. Now they will likely be done in chunks not everyday, but it is such a big step in the right direction. I was so excited about this. I just wanted to share with everyone. She says something that made my heart smile , " The unofficial Light 'Em Up 2012 No Mom Guilt Pledge:
The blog is http://lillightomine.com/index.php. Her project is called Light 'Em Up!, the slogan is "Families Light Up the Community with Kindness". Wow. This was what I was looking for and did not even know it. She talks about bringing God glory this season and remembering that it is all about Him and not us. Teaching her kids what is really important this time of year. She has ideas, printable tags, well just about all the resources you need to do this. I printed it out and talked it over with my husband. We split the list of 100 and circled things we actually thought we could do. There ended up being 24. Now they will likely be done in chunks not everyday, but it is such a big step in the right direction. I was so excited about this. I just wanted to share with everyone. She says something that made my heart smile , " The unofficial Light 'Em Up 2012 No Mom Guilt Pledge:
1. I am a mom with mouths to feed, etc. – this isn’t the #1 priority
2. I have other Christmas traditions that are good and worthy
3. If I don’t implement this, I am still a great mom
4. If I try this only on one day, I am still a great mom
5. If I see a mom that goes nuts with this – I can celebrate her and not condemn myself
6. I do not have to plan every detail – I can leave room for what might just happen if our hearts are open to the needs around us.
7. No matter my budget or ounce of craftiness - I am open to see how this might work – my family, our way"
T This made my heart smile because mom guilt comes so easy. I beat myself up over not doing enough, not being able to pay off someones layaway, not being able to do the HUGE gift card, etc. This reminder to me was so great. It told me that our 24 was great. The 2 a week I had originally set as my goal was great. I can try. I am open to this and more. I am a good mom. Sometimes I need to hear that, and as I set my heart on a new path I needed that. This is something I can do. My daughter may be 3, but she can hand out candy canes (and eat them) and I can start the foundation for a new tradition with our family. There are lots of ways to serve this year and every year. I also want to bring notice to http://www.small-comforts.org/index.html.
This is an organization trying to help kids who are being placed in foster homes by giving them a back pack filled with essential needs and hopefully a fun thing or two that they can call their very own. These kids are often taken away with nothing. They want to help give them security, dignity, and ownership. Please let me know if you need more information about this group or how to contact them.
Anyway, there are lots of people who need thoughts and prayers this time of year. Help of any kind is always wanted. If you decide to Light 'Em Up, I would love to hear how it goes! If you have any ways you and your family do service, I would love to hear that also. I love this time of year. God bless you!
Whitney
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Giving in the Thanks
Thanksgiving is always a time of thanks. The last year or so I have done the thankful everyday on facebook. The cool thing about that is I think about it everyday and always find something to be thankful for whether its silly or deep. There is always something to be thankful for in our lives. I am most thankful for the giver, God. Without Him I would not be where I am or who I am today. I will not get where I am going without Him and I sure don't want to be with out Him! I think we can get lost in the holidays and forget what the real meaning is. So today I say Thank You God! You are truly the giver! But that is not all I want to mention today, but the most important for sure!
Last time I wrote, I mentioned Spiritual gifts. Well my super sweet sister http://chiselachurch.blogspot.com/ sent me 2 websites for test to take to guide you to your spiritual gifts. Well, so far I have only taken one (I plan on taking the other very soon). I found the results totally interesting. My top 2 gifts are Administration and Encouragement. Okay. I could have told you Administration was something that I am pretty okay at. I like organization and being timely with things. But as a Spiritual gift I was shocked. How do I use that to bring glory to God and help people? Well maybe thats where encouragement comes in, because I know I can use that to help people and glorify God. Like I said I found it interesting. If you are curious about yours, leave me a note and I will post the link. Now I just need to find out how to use these gifts.
Next up is my husband. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life. He is such a wonderful, amazing, determined, prayerful, dedicated man. I could go on and on about the things I love about him, but I want to instead offer you his website. http://abetterbumpus.blogspot.com/. I bring this up because he has posted something about trying to stay healthier for Thanksgiving. (Yes I wrote the most of it but thats not the point). He has an awesome blog in his own right/write (hehehe see what I did there =) ). Anyway if you are looking for inspiration or healthy recipes or just whats going on in his life right now, check it out. Word cannot express how proud I am of him and for him for all he has accomplished. To God be the glory! I love where we are as a couple and where we are going with the almighty Lord lighting our way.
I know this post is mostly random things just thrown out there but it is what was on my mind today! Go and enjoy your families, a day off, and whatever your traditions over this weekend. I will be cherishing time with my precious family! Happy Thanksgiving! I ask, what are you thankful for today?
Whitney
Last time I wrote, I mentioned Spiritual gifts. Well my super sweet sister http://chiselachurch.blogspot.com/ sent me 2 websites for test to take to guide you to your spiritual gifts. Well, so far I have only taken one (I plan on taking the other very soon). I found the results totally interesting. My top 2 gifts are Administration and Encouragement. Okay. I could have told you Administration was something that I am pretty okay at. I like organization and being timely with things. But as a Spiritual gift I was shocked. How do I use that to bring glory to God and help people? Well maybe thats where encouragement comes in, because I know I can use that to help people and glorify God. Like I said I found it interesting. If you are curious about yours, leave me a note and I will post the link. Now I just need to find out how to use these gifts.
Next up is my husband. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life. He is such a wonderful, amazing, determined, prayerful, dedicated man. I could go on and on about the things I love about him, but I want to instead offer you his website. http://abetterbumpus.blogspot.com/. I bring this up because he has posted something about trying to stay healthier for Thanksgiving. (Yes I wrote the most of it but thats not the point). He has an awesome blog in his own right/write (hehehe see what I did there =) ). Anyway if you are looking for inspiration or healthy recipes or just whats going on in his life right now, check it out. Word cannot express how proud I am of him and for him for all he has accomplished. To God be the glory! I love where we are as a couple and where we are going with the almighty Lord lighting our way.
I know this post is mostly random things just thrown out there but it is what was on my mind today! Go and enjoy your families, a day off, and whatever your traditions over this weekend. I will be cherishing time with my precious family! Happy Thanksgiving! I ask, what are you thankful for today?
Whitney
Monday, November 12, 2012
The Lost in the Way
Lately I keep hearing spiritual gifts and acts of service come up in all different aspects of my life. It is with these I feel lost. I keep praying for God to help me find my spiritual gift so I can use it how He wants me to. I have yet to figure out what it is. I want to serve God and live the life He has called me to do. Yet, I feel so lost in the how to do it. Acts of service. Well, that can be so many things. I am getting better with this one. I am trying to do more in various ways. Trying to give where I can and being more involved in church and bible study. James, Nehemiah, Jonah are all recent bible studies I have done with the same basic message. Live it. Do it.
Well, okay then. Its just not that easy for me. I suppose I want someone (mainly God) to say, this is your spiritual gift and this is what I want you to do with it. Then I can go and serve. But since that hasn't happened yet, I do my bible study homework, I attend church, and I pray for guidance. I think of the things I am okay at, and I wonder how they can be useful. Sometimes, that just makes me laugh. I don't know where the ability to sometimes decipher toddler is good, and being punctual (most of the time) doesn't really merit helping people, unless they want me to come to their house and start counting down how long they have until they need to leave to be on time, again not really useful. My ocd can be helpful when cleaning time comes, but something tells me people want their houses set up how they want, not how I want. One thing I have been thinking of is that *sometimes* I am good at encouraging people. Lifting people up can be great. Everyone has good in them. You just need to find it. But again, what happens at those times when I get annoyed and feel like I have said the same thing over and over again? Those times I don't really feel all that helpful. But I feel joy and encouragement over the fact that I am putting thought and effort into trying to figure this out. I am working on living it and doing it. I have faith that it will come to me, and God will point me in the direction I need to go. For that and for Him I am thankful. He is good and He always keeps his promises. Maybe I am not the only one who feels this way. If you know your spiritual gift, would you mind sharing it with me in the comments and how you use it. I would love to know that ways God is using that special gift you have. If you are not sure of your gift, keep praying and have faith.
Whitney
Well, okay then. Its just not that easy for me. I suppose I want someone (mainly God) to say, this is your spiritual gift and this is what I want you to do with it. Then I can go and serve. But since that hasn't happened yet, I do my bible study homework, I attend church, and I pray for guidance. I think of the things I am okay at, and I wonder how they can be useful. Sometimes, that just makes me laugh. I don't know where the ability to sometimes decipher toddler is good, and being punctual (most of the time) doesn't really merit helping people, unless they want me to come to their house and start counting down how long they have until they need to leave to be on time, again not really useful. My ocd can be helpful when cleaning time comes, but something tells me people want their houses set up how they want, not how I want. One thing I have been thinking of is that *sometimes* I am good at encouraging people. Lifting people up can be great. Everyone has good in them. You just need to find it. But again, what happens at those times when I get annoyed and feel like I have said the same thing over and over again? Those times I don't really feel all that helpful. But I feel joy and encouragement over the fact that I am putting thought and effort into trying to figure this out. I am working on living it and doing it. I have faith that it will come to me, and God will point me in the direction I need to go. For that and for Him I am thankful. He is good and He always keeps his promises. Maybe I am not the only one who feels this way. If you know your spiritual gift, would you mind sharing it with me in the comments and how you use it. I would love to know that ways God is using that special gift you have. If you are not sure of your gift, keep praying and have faith.
Whitney
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Reminder in the Chaos
I apologize since it has been a while since I last posted. I guess I just have not been able to put together a fully formed post. They all seemed half formed. I am not sure if this one is full formed but I am going to do it anyway. I need to. Today was such a huge reminder for me. The election was yesterday (no I am not going to get all political on you, you can find that elsewhere). The election elicited lots and lots and lots of responses from all walks. Good, bad, ugly, all of it. I myself woke up a little snide and snarky. I was not thinking good thoughts. I felt I was in fact thinking very un Christian thoughts. So I did what should always do (I am working on it) as my first response, I prayed. I prayed for God to remove such thoughts from my head. He alone gave me the willpower to not speak them aloud. That is a huge feat for me. Truly. But more and most importantly, He reminded that while the offices held on earth are important, that is not the office that matters. Our King, Lord, God, Savior is the office that matters. Eternal focus is so important.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my life here on earth. I love what surrounds me. But when I look around at what truly matters and what truly surrounds me, I find God. Everywhere. It is because of Him that I am where I am today. I am more grateful and thankful for that than I can express. I praise and thank Him everyday for it. But, if He said, leave it all and come to me, well thats what I would try and do. Earthly possessions are not eternal. They do not go with us. Our society is so materialistic that it breaks my heart. I read somewhere on Facebook today, paraphrased, that God wasn't in the election because for the most part we have kicked him out of our lives. Think about that statement. Think of all the things that they have taken out of schools, removed from history, and said we can't say. My husband and I went to the opera this past month. A congresswoman, who just got re-elected, asked everyone to stand up and say the pledge of allegiance and sing the national anthem. They can't do that in schools but we can do it at the opera. People care so much about what they have, the newest phone, the coolest car, the trendiest clothes, but what about the things that matter. Today I felt like I was in constant prayer. Constant prayer to think better thoughts and keep my focus on the eternal. I know that when my Savior comes, all the tears, deaths, heart break, sadness, illness, poverty, etc...will be no more. What will it matter who was in what office and drove what car, when we are seated with the Lord.
I struggle everyday to be the Christian, mother, wife, friend, etc. that I am called to be. But everyday, I pray about it. I pray for God's guidance. Today I remembered that some of the things I have been struggling with I haven't really prayed about. So I did. Now, I wait and I pray. We have such a wonderful, gracious, giving, forgiving, patient, and kind God. We need to turn to Him. Not to hatefulness or gloating, demeaning and condescending to others. We are meant to be a community. A community of faith. A community of believers. I am finding a new community that has welcomed my family into their arms. Community is out there. Sometimes you just need to find it. But check and see where your focus is for that community, earthly or eternal. God is in control. Don't worry so much. He's got this. And I am thankful to be His!
Whitney
Now don't get me wrong. I love my life here on earth. I love what surrounds me. But when I look around at what truly matters and what truly surrounds me, I find God. Everywhere. It is because of Him that I am where I am today. I am more grateful and thankful for that than I can express. I praise and thank Him everyday for it. But, if He said, leave it all and come to me, well thats what I would try and do. Earthly possessions are not eternal. They do not go with us. Our society is so materialistic that it breaks my heart. I read somewhere on Facebook today, paraphrased, that God wasn't in the election because for the most part we have kicked him out of our lives. Think about that statement. Think of all the things that they have taken out of schools, removed from history, and said we can't say. My husband and I went to the opera this past month. A congresswoman, who just got re-elected, asked everyone to stand up and say the pledge of allegiance and sing the national anthem. They can't do that in schools but we can do it at the opera. People care so much about what they have, the newest phone, the coolest car, the trendiest clothes, but what about the things that matter. Today I felt like I was in constant prayer. Constant prayer to think better thoughts and keep my focus on the eternal. I know that when my Savior comes, all the tears, deaths, heart break, sadness, illness, poverty, etc...will be no more. What will it matter who was in what office and drove what car, when we are seated with the Lord.
I struggle everyday to be the Christian, mother, wife, friend, etc. that I am called to be. But everyday, I pray about it. I pray for God's guidance. Today I remembered that some of the things I have been struggling with I haven't really prayed about. So I did. Now, I wait and I pray. We have such a wonderful, gracious, giving, forgiving, patient, and kind God. We need to turn to Him. Not to hatefulness or gloating, demeaning and condescending to others. We are meant to be a community. A community of faith. A community of believers. I am finding a new community that has welcomed my family into their arms. Community is out there. Sometimes you just need to find it. But check and see where your focus is for that community, earthly or eternal. God is in control. Don't worry so much. He's got this. And I am thankful to be His!
Whitney
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The Sword in the Words
I have discovered/ known that I am much better with words on paper than the ones that spill from my mouth. My "filter", if you will, works much better on paper. I think about what to say, how to say it, and what kind of a purpose it may have. Lately, I have had a lot of words to say but I just didn't feel that call to write it out to the world. A big part of me wonders if it is just my fear again. Then words just keep coming up. Today in my devotional. It was about emotions and our words when we are emotional. Todays bible study. The words moved me. By the way, we have moved on to Nehemiah by Kelly Minter. Very good so far. Some of the ladies had a chance to hear her speak last night. I hear it was wonderful. I did not go as I was playing forts with my daughter. =) Anyway, I was reminded of James. He says what is in your heart comes out of your mouth. I am of course summarizing here, but you get the gist.
Words have always been my sharpest weapon, and my weapon of choice. Sarcasm was overflowing when I was growing up. I was a natural at it. Then when I worked in restaurants, well every word was usually peppered with bitterness, sarcasm, sometimes hatred, lots of anger, but always a hardness or edge to it. I found myself hardened at people, troubles, life, and just about everything around me. Words were just words. Things I never imagined I would be saying just poured out of my mouth and I really thought nothing about it. We have all said things we wish we hadn't. We all wish people had not said certain things to us. Words can cut, deeper than any knife, sword, or gunshot ever could. But you cannot "un"say words. Once they are out there, they are there. You can apologize, ask for forgiveness, and many things to make up for it. But they were said. You cant take it back. So why are we not more careful with our words?
Just as words can tear you down, they can build you up, give you courage, help to encourage, express love, compassion, happiness, joy, peace, sadness, sorrow, and more but without hurting someone else. So often we say things that truly do not need to be said. Sometimes we speak too much about one thing. We "beat dead horses". I remember growing up, we were traveling and "disagreeing" about something. I think my sister said "You are beating a dead horse" and I think my dad said "My horse isn't dead yet"! I still laugh about that. We think we still have a point to make but we have gone wwwaaaayyyy past it. Words are so much more important than we give them credit. Justin and I started doing a new small group at church about the 5 love languages. I was not shocked to be told that most important to me are words of affirmation. I knew it in my heart but have never been "told" like that. People in general like to hear good things. I do. I did not have a lot of affirming words growing up. There were some. I treasured those. But it was only as an adult that I realized how deep the wounds of words that were spoken and the ones left unspoken and how quickly they can be reopened. I want to build up the people around me. I want my husband to know how truly inspiring, wonderful, smart, caring, grateful, thankful, and spirited he is. I want my daughter to know how her smile lights up a room, how beautiful she is inside and out, smart, funny, joyous, charismatic she is. I want to build up the people around me. I want the good in my heart to flow out of my mouth. I struggle sometimes, especially with my sarcastic and snarky side that wants to rise up sometimes, but I find myself trying to hold my tongue. I have spoken plenty of harmful and hurtful words, now I want them to be uplifting, inspiring, meaningful and loving words. Your words make a difference. What will they say?
Whitney
Words have always been my sharpest weapon, and my weapon of choice. Sarcasm was overflowing when I was growing up. I was a natural at it. Then when I worked in restaurants, well every word was usually peppered with bitterness, sarcasm, sometimes hatred, lots of anger, but always a hardness or edge to it. I found myself hardened at people, troubles, life, and just about everything around me. Words were just words. Things I never imagined I would be saying just poured out of my mouth and I really thought nothing about it. We have all said things we wish we hadn't. We all wish people had not said certain things to us. Words can cut, deeper than any knife, sword, or gunshot ever could. But you cannot "un"say words. Once they are out there, they are there. You can apologize, ask for forgiveness, and many things to make up for it. But they were said. You cant take it back. So why are we not more careful with our words?
Just as words can tear you down, they can build you up, give you courage, help to encourage, express love, compassion, happiness, joy, peace, sadness, sorrow, and more but without hurting someone else. So often we say things that truly do not need to be said. Sometimes we speak too much about one thing. We "beat dead horses". I remember growing up, we were traveling and "disagreeing" about something. I think my sister said "You are beating a dead horse" and I think my dad said "My horse isn't dead yet"! I still laugh about that. We think we still have a point to make but we have gone wwwaaaayyyy past it. Words are so much more important than we give them credit. Justin and I started doing a new small group at church about the 5 love languages. I was not shocked to be told that most important to me are words of affirmation. I knew it in my heart but have never been "told" like that. People in general like to hear good things. I do. I did not have a lot of affirming words growing up. There were some. I treasured those. But it was only as an adult that I realized how deep the wounds of words that were spoken and the ones left unspoken and how quickly they can be reopened. I want to build up the people around me. I want my husband to know how truly inspiring, wonderful, smart, caring, grateful, thankful, and spirited he is. I want my daughter to know how her smile lights up a room, how beautiful she is inside and out, smart, funny, joyous, charismatic she is. I want to build up the people around me. I want the good in my heart to flow out of my mouth. I struggle sometimes, especially with my sarcastic and snarky side that wants to rise up sometimes, but I find myself trying to hold my tongue. I have spoken plenty of harmful and hurtful words, now I want them to be uplifting, inspiring, meaningful and loving words. Your words make a difference. What will they say?
Whitney
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The Community in the Faith
I have mentioned a few times that I attend a bible study. I should say I am blessed to attend this bible study. I started bible study 3 years ago. These ladies took me in and helped me in ways I could never explain or convey to them. In a few words, I am grateful, thankful, and praise-ful. God designed this. I know He did. These ladies have guided me through so much. They probably don't know they have, but they have. I am one of the younger ones in the group. I get to listen to their experiences and take in so much. I love to try and be a sponge to absorb their wisdom. Funny thing is I didn't used to believe in organized religion and things like bible study. I thought I did not need a church or a place of worship. If I needed God well I just talked to Him. But through bible study I have learned that we are made for community. The church is a gathering of believers. We help each other. Through the good and the bad. We talk things out, we muse about things, we learn together. I am a better person when I am in bible study. I am sad that I resisted it for so long. But, that is not the point of today.
I have been struggling with something this week, what to say, how to handle it, basically what can I do. I felt powerless (which I am) and almost hopeless over the situation. I prayed about it. I talked with a person about it. But then came bible study. A lady was sharing something in her life and how God had moved her, and what he had done, and the grace he had shown her. Something clicked. Her one story gave me hope. I told her that. I expanded on my struggle with the group. These ladies through God and the holy spirit moved my heart. I had tears in my eyes but they did not fall. They reminded me that God knows what he is doing, to look around at the blessings I have and be grateful for those, and that maybe just maybe what I was looking at as I negative in my life was truly a blessing from God. I need to praise God for that. It brought me back from anger, hurt, resentment, and pride. Then we watched the video, and it was just like a smack on the head. It said God is good at his job. We cannot put God in a box. To trust in Him and have faith in Him does not mean he will do what we want when we want. Jonah pitched a temper tantrum because he had expectations of what God was going to do once he was obedient and God did what God needed to do. I don't know what seeds are being planted by my acts, nor do I know what kind of a difference I am making by trying to walk in faith. God is good. I may struggle now but I can see the blessings in my struggle. I can see hope. God's plans are greater than mine. I need to stop trying to put him in a box with my plans. It is not about me. It is about Him. He is so great. And I hope I don't for get again that He is Good at His Job! Praise God! Are you struggling with something right now? Sometimes that community in faith can help. God works wonders.
Whitney
I have been struggling with something this week, what to say, how to handle it, basically what can I do. I felt powerless (which I am) and almost hopeless over the situation. I prayed about it. I talked with a person about it. But then came bible study. A lady was sharing something in her life and how God had moved her, and what he had done, and the grace he had shown her. Something clicked. Her one story gave me hope. I told her that. I expanded on my struggle with the group. These ladies through God and the holy spirit moved my heart. I had tears in my eyes but they did not fall. They reminded me that God knows what he is doing, to look around at the blessings I have and be grateful for those, and that maybe just maybe what I was looking at as I negative in my life was truly a blessing from God. I need to praise God for that. It brought me back from anger, hurt, resentment, and pride. Then we watched the video, and it was just like a smack on the head. It said God is good at his job. We cannot put God in a box. To trust in Him and have faith in Him does not mean he will do what we want when we want. Jonah pitched a temper tantrum because he had expectations of what God was going to do once he was obedient and God did what God needed to do. I don't know what seeds are being planted by my acts, nor do I know what kind of a difference I am making by trying to walk in faith. God is good. I may struggle now but I can see the blessings in my struggle. I can see hope. God's plans are greater than mine. I need to stop trying to put him in a box with my plans. It is not about me. It is about Him. He is so great. And I hope I don't for get again that He is Good at His Job! Praise God! Are you struggling with something right now? Sometimes that community in faith can help. God works wonders.
Whitney
Monday, October 8, 2012
The Tears in the Study
So today is my very first day to not have plans/ appointments already made while my daughter was at school. I was elated at the thoughts of what I could do...by my self...alone...in a quiet house. The possibilities are endless in my mind. The first thing I think of is to clean out closets, its that time of year and it needs to be done, next on the list is read a book, then nothing. Just do nothing and enjoy quiet. Yea well I am not sure I can do that anymore. Anyway, I did none of the above. I did my bible study homework. Well 3 days so far. My homework is important to me because I feel with bible study, you get out of it what you put in to it. Totally just my opinion. I know times get busy, there is lots going on, etc. I just try to make it a point to do my homework to spend that time with God and His word. So I did. Alone. Just me and God. He did some serious work in my head this morning.
My sweet husband and I are *trying* to do a small group at church. It has been going for two weeks, and he made it yesterday. The kiddo and I stayed home. She has some allergies going on right now and I just wanted to do what is best for her. Moving on, they let us watch the videos we had missed. It is about prayer circles. Praying circles around what you are asking God to do in your life. The leader/narrator of the video asked what is your Jericho? I have been thinking about that and the reality that I am not very good about praying for all the specifics in my life. So this is already on my heart. This blog is on my heart. In comes my bible study of Jonah and the interrupted life. Well the ending of day 3 homework is reminding us that if it feels too big and overwhelming for us, it is. He needs us to rely on Him. Next is that if he calls us to it, He will equip us. The third is that he has prepared the way for us. He is waiting on our obedience for us to step out in faith and let Him be shown. We don't know what he has done before us. But we need to obey and it will matter. To someone. This brought me to tears. Our minds get in our way more than anything else I can think of at this time. We tell ourselves so many lies. We stop our selves from doing what needs to be done. I can think of so many examples of this in my own life, it is sad to me. I am learning day by day, study by study, step by step, to walk in faith.
Here is my best example for you. When my daughter was born, I thought because I was try to breast feed her that the baby weight I had gained would just fall off. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I have lied to myself my whole life. I have believed the lies told to me my whole life. But suddenly because I had this wonderful child, and I was trying to do what I thought was the best thing for her, weight would just come off. Ha!!!! I struggled to make milk. Well, there goes that plan. I had to come to terms with supplements for her. I still tried. For four or so months I tried and I cried. I think at 6 months I just gave up. Well, by the time she was 9 months old, I was probably the heaviest I had been in my life. I hated myself with more passion and fervor than were really necessary. I had two wonderful people offer to help me get started with weight loss. I started nutri-system. It went well. I lost some weight. I was getting closer to my goals. I started working out. Little bit at a time. I started zumba. I loved it but as my daughter got more active, I did not have/make the time needed for it. I started doing Jillian Micheal s workouts. Loved them. Good exercise and good amount of time without being too long. Then my husband lost weight. He started doing P90x. He did it twice. He then started being a coach for beachbody. That is the company that makes P90x, Insanity, TurboFire, Tai Cheng, 10 Minute Trainer and more. Well, I saw the ad for 10 Minute Trainer. I loved it, did it twice, same thing with turbo jam (except I only did it once). Now I am doing Tai Cheng and looking forward to starting Les Milles Combat when I am done with Tai Cheng. We eat healthy meals, make menus, buy groceries accordingly, track calories, and try very hard to lead a healthy life style. We did not diet. We made a life style change. It happened slowly. Every time I work out, there is a voice in my head. You cant do that. You are not strong enough to do that. You cant. You wont. Isn't easier just sleep in or sit down and watch tv? Every day, I have to remind my self that that voice is a lie. I am strong enough. I can do it. I have more energy, a MUCH happier demeanor, I feel better, more centered, more at peace. If I had let that voice in my head win, I probably would not be writing this blog, I could have given in to the easier way of life. I get up early and workout when I take my daughter to school. I take time that could have been used to clean out closets, read a book, do nothing, and I do bible study. I take time to write this. Because God has a plan. He has equipped me to do it. I am stronger in the places I have been broken. It will matter to someone. I will matter to someone. Just because I cannot see the path, I will follow it. I need God. I rely on God. He has called me to pray today. To take all the things I have been thinking of and pray. What has he called you for today? What are you asking Him to do for you today?
Whitney
My sweet husband and I are *trying* to do a small group at church. It has been going for two weeks, and he made it yesterday. The kiddo and I stayed home. She has some allergies going on right now and I just wanted to do what is best for her. Moving on, they let us watch the videos we had missed. It is about prayer circles. Praying circles around what you are asking God to do in your life. The leader/narrator of the video asked what is your Jericho? I have been thinking about that and the reality that I am not very good about praying for all the specifics in my life. So this is already on my heart. This blog is on my heart. In comes my bible study of Jonah and the interrupted life. Well the ending of day 3 homework is reminding us that if it feels too big and overwhelming for us, it is. He needs us to rely on Him. Next is that if he calls us to it, He will equip us. The third is that he has prepared the way for us. He is waiting on our obedience for us to step out in faith and let Him be shown. We don't know what he has done before us. But we need to obey and it will matter. To someone. This brought me to tears. Our minds get in our way more than anything else I can think of at this time. We tell ourselves so many lies. We stop our selves from doing what needs to be done. I can think of so many examples of this in my own life, it is sad to me. I am learning day by day, study by study, step by step, to walk in faith.
Here is my best example for you. When my daughter was born, I thought because I was try to breast feed her that the baby weight I had gained would just fall off. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I have lied to myself my whole life. I have believed the lies told to me my whole life. But suddenly because I had this wonderful child, and I was trying to do what I thought was the best thing for her, weight would just come off. Ha!!!! I struggled to make milk. Well, there goes that plan. I had to come to terms with supplements for her. I still tried. For four or so months I tried and I cried. I think at 6 months I just gave up. Well, by the time she was 9 months old, I was probably the heaviest I had been in my life. I hated myself with more passion and fervor than were really necessary. I had two wonderful people offer to help me get started with weight loss. I started nutri-system. It went well. I lost some weight. I was getting closer to my goals. I started working out. Little bit at a time. I started zumba. I loved it but as my daughter got more active, I did not have/make the time needed for it. I started doing Jillian Micheal s workouts. Loved them. Good exercise and good amount of time without being too long. Then my husband lost weight. He started doing P90x. He did it twice. He then started being a coach for beachbody. That is the company that makes P90x, Insanity, TurboFire, Tai Cheng, 10 Minute Trainer and more. Well, I saw the ad for 10 Minute Trainer. I loved it, did it twice, same thing with turbo jam (except I only did it once). Now I am doing Tai Cheng and looking forward to starting Les Milles Combat when I am done with Tai Cheng. We eat healthy meals, make menus, buy groceries accordingly, track calories, and try very hard to lead a healthy life style. We did not diet. We made a life style change. It happened slowly. Every time I work out, there is a voice in my head. You cant do that. You are not strong enough to do that. You cant. You wont. Isn't easier just sleep in or sit down and watch tv? Every day, I have to remind my self that that voice is a lie. I am strong enough. I can do it. I have more energy, a MUCH happier demeanor, I feel better, more centered, more at peace. If I had let that voice in my head win, I probably would not be writing this blog, I could have given in to the easier way of life. I get up early and workout when I take my daughter to school. I take time that could have been used to clean out closets, read a book, do nothing, and I do bible study. I take time to write this. Because God has a plan. He has equipped me to do it. I am stronger in the places I have been broken. It will matter to someone. I will matter to someone. Just because I cannot see the path, I will follow it. I need God. I rely on God. He has called me to pray today. To take all the things I have been thinking of and pray. What has he called you for today? What are you asking Him to do for you today?
Whitney
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Faith in the Action
This has been a hard week for me. But God is faithful and so am I. I find it so funny how faith and action can just kind of show up in your life. So I mentioned when I started this blog that I felt it was a calling from God. For me to write. I didn't know where it was headed, and still truthfully don't. But I know he is calling me to start telling my story. Now you should be aware, I don't like telling people the sticky side of my life. I don't keep it from people, but I don't advertise it either. Yet, I want to be real and I want to be authentic. So often in this life, we wear masks and facades. I wonder why that is, and why it is so very common. People life is messy. No one is perfect. Jesus was. That's it. We all go through trials and tribulations. We have great seasons in our lives and really bad seasons in our lives. Why can't we all own up to that? So when there is a bad season, you can reach out to people to help you or just listen and be there for you. We are all called to help one another. Yet, we smile and say we are having a great day. Yep everything is fine. Well, it is okay if its not.
Fear. We are so fearful of what other people will say, think, do, how they will act toward us when they see us in our messes. I am afraid. There are parts of my life that I would rather not think about much less relive. I have asked for forgiveness from God, from people I hurt, and mainly myself. But in that darkness is a message. God made my mess into a message. In so many ways. So here it goes. I was a physically and verbally abused child. That shaped my every thought and action for more years than I care to say. Talk about fear. I always wondered when the other shoe would drop. I am a fighter. It just part of who I am. That made matters worse. I did not just sit there and take it. Maybe I should have maybe I should not have. But it sure made it interesting. It took a very long time for those things not to define me and what I did in my life. I have/had, work in progress, trust issues, anger issues, and the when is it going to happen again issues. I have learned to trust people a little more now. My anger is 110% better than it used to be. I don't feel the need to fight over every little thing. I pick my battles so to say. And as for wondering when it's going to happen again. I have God. That is what I need and all I need. He is great. His plans are far better than mine. He has used my abusive situation to try to help other kids in that situation to offer them my experience, strength and hope. He made me aware of bad relationships and knowing what I would never put up with or succumb to. He took something awful and made it his. I will not say it is good, because no one should go through those things, but he made it manageable and turned it into something I could deal with. I am good at just putting things away, not dealing with them, the whole the will go away on their own. Yea that never worked. I was like a ticking time bomb, that eventually exploded. God took my situation and did His wonderful work with it. They say there is no testimony without a test first. There is real and authentic. It is in trusting God wholly and completely. These are just baby steps for me, but huge leaps and bounds knowing that I "spoke" the words and it will be okay. Maybe its easier to write to an audience I can't see or hear. But there is also the fear that once its on the Internet its out there. Anyway, I suppose I will continue with my story, so to speak, another time. For now, I thank God for where I am today. I would not be here without him. Now, I ask you, what is He calling you to do today? Have you tried it?
Whitney
Fear. We are so fearful of what other people will say, think, do, how they will act toward us when they see us in our messes. I am afraid. There are parts of my life that I would rather not think about much less relive. I have asked for forgiveness from God, from people I hurt, and mainly myself. But in that darkness is a message. God made my mess into a message. In so many ways. So here it goes. I was a physically and verbally abused child. That shaped my every thought and action for more years than I care to say. Talk about fear. I always wondered when the other shoe would drop. I am a fighter. It just part of who I am. That made matters worse. I did not just sit there and take it. Maybe I should have maybe I should not have. But it sure made it interesting. It took a very long time for those things not to define me and what I did in my life. I have/had, work in progress, trust issues, anger issues, and the when is it going to happen again issues. I have learned to trust people a little more now. My anger is 110% better than it used to be. I don't feel the need to fight over every little thing. I pick my battles so to say. And as for wondering when it's going to happen again. I have God. That is what I need and all I need. He is great. His plans are far better than mine. He has used my abusive situation to try to help other kids in that situation to offer them my experience, strength and hope. He made me aware of bad relationships and knowing what I would never put up with or succumb to. He took something awful and made it his. I will not say it is good, because no one should go through those things, but he made it manageable and turned it into something I could deal with. I am good at just putting things away, not dealing with them, the whole the will go away on their own. Yea that never worked. I was like a ticking time bomb, that eventually exploded. God took my situation and did His wonderful work with it. They say there is no testimony without a test first. There is real and authentic. It is in trusting God wholly and completely. These are just baby steps for me, but huge leaps and bounds knowing that I "spoke" the words and it will be okay. Maybe its easier to write to an audience I can't see or hear. But there is also the fear that once its on the Internet its out there. Anyway, I suppose I will continue with my story, so to speak, another time. For now, I thank God for where I am today. I would not be here without him. Now, I ask you, what is He calling you to do today? Have you tried it?
Whitney
Friday, September 28, 2012
Another Moment
Not too long ago, I wrote about that one moment that can change your day. Yesterday, that one moment was a phone call. My grandmother passed away. My world stopped in that one moment. We called her Meems. She was 93 years young. She was funny, quirky, intelligent, quick with a joke, a warm kind heart that was so big, she knew when to be serious and give encouragement and praise, she also had a million jokes and one liners. She had more personality than I have ever seen in a "grandparent", well probably more than a lot of people I know. She lived every day of her life. Even the last one. I have great comfort in knowing that she spent her finally evening on earth with some of her best friends playing games and having dinner. Meems loved Rummikub. If you spent more than 10 minutes with her, she would have you playing. She also would unapologetically whip you at it to. Then she went home and crawled into her bed and worked on her crossword puzzle. That is how she was found. She prayed to go peacefully and she did. She is with her heavenly father and her dear sweet husband. She wanted to be with him so long ago. They were a precious couple. I always thought they were so very different. She was loud, vibrant, and boisterous. He was quiet, thoughtful, and reserved. I loved them and still do. Its amazing the little things that keep reminding me of her. My sweet husband pulled out a bag, it was one she gave me. I found a card I had been meaning to send her. She was supposed to visit next week. I was excited for her to see Haley. I had asked if she would be in town in time for her dance class. I think of how she used to make Haley crack up when she would go "Here comes wiggle, wiggle is going to get you" and then they would both laugh. I remember the first time she got to meet Haley. I love and cherish the fact that she got to meet and know my daughter. She was at my wedding. She was apart of my life. She was apart of my daughters life. Her great grand mother. I am so blessed and comforted by that. Yes, I will grieve and miss her and I will cry. But I know she is with Jesus, probably telling him some silly joke. She is with her siblings and her husband. Meems lived a full life and lived it to the fullest. She traveled, she played, she loved, she served, she gave of herself. She did something pretty awesome. For each grandchild, when they turned 13, she took them on a trip. Where ever they wanted to go and what ever they wanted to do. There were 3 grandkids before me. I am pretty sure all 3 of them went to New York. I could be wrong. I know at least 2 did. Me...nope not New York. I said lets take a cruise to the Bahamas. I dont remember where or why I came up with this. But I did. We both loved it. We bonded. She still had a picture from that trip hanging in her apartment when she passed. I will now proudly display it in my home. I will look at it and think of that wonderful trip and that special time with just my grandmother. Uninterrupted time with her was a special treat. I may not have known how important it was at the time, but I do now. She let me jump on the hotel bed. I thought that was the best thing ever. She let me run, play, dance, swim, snorkel, just have a great time with her. All these years later, I still remember. I remember visiting her house when I was younger. She had these blocks. If you could stack them 20 high she would give you a quarter. I spent hours stacking those blocks. I would watch her cook or entertain or what ever while I played with these blocks. I think they had been around since my mom was a kid. They definitely had history. I asked about them once. She was always giving her stuff away, and marking things for people. She gave me those blocks and I just wept. Now I watch Haley play with those same blocks. The little things, the unexpected things mean so much to people. She didnt know how much those blocks meant to me until I told her. I told her she meant so much to me. Though it had been longer than I would have liked since I talked to her, I know she knew how much I loved her. She meant a lot to a lot of people, she also meant the world to some people. I know she found me a star and will wink at me soon. Charlie did. She was my last living grandparent. She was one of a kind. Tonight, hug your family a little tighter, give them an extra "I love you", call that person you've been thinking about. That may just be a moment they need. To Meems, I love you very much. See you in two weeks.
Whitney
Whitney
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Submission
Submission. It seems like such a dirty word to me. But it keeps coming up in my life in various aspects. Submission to God and His will. For any one who knows me on a personal level, submission is not something typically in my vocabulary. I don't think it has ever been there. I was a stubborn independent child. I did not have a fairytale childhood. Adulthood, well. Those mistakes are only mine to claim. I was someone who need to try things out for myself. I suppose I "needed" those life experiences to make me who I am today. But I would submit to no one or any thing. The marriage I watched in my life, I said I would never have. That would never be me. I did not have the best examples around me, but they were not the worst either. I have been through more than I ever wanted in my life but God has helped me turn that to good. Still submission was not there. I met my husband. We fell in love, got married, have a wonderful daughter and a happy life. If you asked him if I submit to anything he would laugh. It's just not who I have been. I have learned that submission is not in fact a dirty word.
Though it is something I struggle with daily. God calls us to submit to him. Let him have control. He knows the way, and the way is good. Its God. This should be easy right?! Well it is not easy for me. Giving up control and giving in, even to God, is extremely difficult for me. Maybe because I had no control over my life growing up, maybe my trust issues, maybe my ocd or whatever excuse I can come up with, the fact is, it is hard. I want to submit to God (that sentence alone took way to many years to become okay for me to say). He has such a better plan for me. He can lead me to places and challenges that I could have never imagined. He wants the best for me. So why can I not let go of the ridiculous notion that I can have control and still be on his path? Because we are human. He gave us free will. I don't have the answer. I pray about it every day. I pray that God takes control of my life, but maybe I should pray to let go of my own life. I want to live the life that he has called me for, but I don't really know what that is right now. It took a lot for me to submit to even writing this blog. I am not one to really share about the details of myself. That is a huge fear for me. I have, for the most part of my life, been a closely guarded individual. I have a handful of close friends that I can call on at any time and they can do the same to me. I have friends around town but I am not necessarily all that close to any of them. I would like to be. But I have discovered, I am horrible at making friends as an adult. I say ridiculous things that I berate myself for later. I try and connect to people but I feel silly in doing so. Then I just feel like they think I am an idiot so I just quit talking.
Have I mentioned that I over analyze too? No, well that's for another time. I miss having my super close friends to call and say lets have a cup of coffee or lets go shopping or just plain talk to and not feel stupid. But really, what does that have to do with submission...I don't like to put myself out there. But I guess God feels that I need to. Maybe there is some one who struggles these struggles and needs to know I am here. I don't know. But this is me, submitting. Submission may not be a dirty word but it sure is a difficult word. Difficult in its life application. Is God calling on you to submit as well? Faith is in the actions. I trust my God. He is good.
Whitney
Though it is something I struggle with daily. God calls us to submit to him. Let him have control. He knows the way, and the way is good. Its God. This should be easy right?! Well it is not easy for me. Giving up control and giving in, even to God, is extremely difficult for me. Maybe because I had no control over my life growing up, maybe my trust issues, maybe my ocd or whatever excuse I can come up with, the fact is, it is hard. I want to submit to God (that sentence alone took way to many years to become okay for me to say). He has such a better plan for me. He can lead me to places and challenges that I could have never imagined. He wants the best for me. So why can I not let go of the ridiculous notion that I can have control and still be on his path? Because we are human. He gave us free will. I don't have the answer. I pray about it every day. I pray that God takes control of my life, but maybe I should pray to let go of my own life. I want to live the life that he has called me for, but I don't really know what that is right now. It took a lot for me to submit to even writing this blog. I am not one to really share about the details of myself. That is a huge fear for me. I have, for the most part of my life, been a closely guarded individual. I have a handful of close friends that I can call on at any time and they can do the same to me. I have friends around town but I am not necessarily all that close to any of them. I would like to be. But I have discovered, I am horrible at making friends as an adult. I say ridiculous things that I berate myself for later. I try and connect to people but I feel silly in doing so. Then I just feel like they think I am an idiot so I just quit talking.
Have I mentioned that I over analyze too? No, well that's for another time. I miss having my super close friends to call and say lets have a cup of coffee or lets go shopping or just plain talk to and not feel stupid. But really, what does that have to do with submission...I don't like to put myself out there. But I guess God feels that I need to. Maybe there is some one who struggles these struggles and needs to know I am here. I don't know. But this is me, submitting. Submission may not be a dirty word but it sure is a difficult word. Difficult in its life application. Is God calling on you to submit as well? Faith is in the actions. I trust my God. He is good.
Whitney
Thursday, September 20, 2012
One Moment
Today I was thinking how important one moment can be in our lives. It can really determine the rest of our day. Today, for instance, we were out having a great time and in one moment the day started changing. My sweet daughter was having a temper tantrum because another child didn't want to hold her hand at the time. Devastating, I know. Well, that just snowballed into tantrums about everything. My reaction was one of here we go again. My attitude started to not be stellar because she was upset. I was already writing off the rest of the day because of one moment. Now this is a trivial something. Big something seems to be all around me right now. A 10 year finding out she has cancer, relatives having cancer, unexpected surgery, a little boy going to be with the Lord, you get the idea. Now while these are not all going on to me right now, they have at some point in time. These are examples of sad, disappointing, painful things happening. But there are wonderful moments going on all around us as well.
Two things come to mind today: our reaction to these moments and our recognition of these moments. Our reactions tell us so much about our selves. Our ability to see the moments around us tell us about God. Today, I needed to see this moment as just that, a moment. It will pass. If I let it ruin my day, it will show in my daughter, my attitude, my treatment of all of those around me. I was in bible study yesterday and Priscilla Shirer gave an example that has not yet left my mind (I know its only been a day but still). She had her friend hold a glass of water. She shook her friends arm. Water sloshed out of the glass. Not ground breaking stuff there. She said something to the effect that most of us look at the shaking in our lives and why the waters coming out. She said the water comes out because that is what is inside. When times are rough, and these moments happen, what's inside will come out. It was a measure to me to see what that really is, when we are shaken. There are many great Christian people, but what comes out when they are shaken do not often match their word. I want to be many things when I am shaken, but I want God to come out when I am shaken because that's what's inside. I want to see these moments and realize it will pass. To stop it from ruining my day. I want to look at the beauty all around me that God has let me recognize. A beautiful cloud formation, the gentleness of my daughters smile, the loving embrace of a husband happy to be home. There are so many moments that go unnoticed every day. Today I am grateful to see a few. In the midst of pain, sadness, annoyance, frustration, anger, joy, happiness, beauty, amazement....God is there just waiting to be seen.
I struggle with my temper some days. I have a 3 year old who gets tired, cranky, and 3. She is stubborn, obstinate, focused, hard headed, wonderful, joyful, amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent, and Lord she is smart. One thing I have realized about my 3 year old is that she doesn't know how to vocalize and express her anger in ways that don't just piss me off. When she is unhappy, she screams in my face. Do you see my struggle? She does something to express her displeasure or anger or whatnot but it is in a fashion that makes me crazy. I want to react and scream. But, Alas, I am not 3. This is me recognizing that moment, when what I do makes a difference. I want to help her, but I have no idea what to tell her to do. And sometimes, let's just face it I want to scream also. Some days I do great, some days I do not. Today, I realized what a difference a moment can make. Now I will start looking for those wonderful God moments around me. Because I need it. Maybe some one else does too.
Whitney
Two things come to mind today: our reaction to these moments and our recognition of these moments. Our reactions tell us so much about our selves. Our ability to see the moments around us tell us about God. Today, I needed to see this moment as just that, a moment. It will pass. If I let it ruin my day, it will show in my daughter, my attitude, my treatment of all of those around me. I was in bible study yesterday and Priscilla Shirer gave an example that has not yet left my mind (I know its only been a day but still). She had her friend hold a glass of water. She shook her friends arm. Water sloshed out of the glass. Not ground breaking stuff there. She said something to the effect that most of us look at the shaking in our lives and why the waters coming out. She said the water comes out because that is what is inside. When times are rough, and these moments happen, what's inside will come out. It was a measure to me to see what that really is, when we are shaken. There are many great Christian people, but what comes out when they are shaken do not often match their word. I want to be many things when I am shaken, but I want God to come out when I am shaken because that's what's inside. I want to see these moments and realize it will pass. To stop it from ruining my day. I want to look at the beauty all around me that God has let me recognize. A beautiful cloud formation, the gentleness of my daughters smile, the loving embrace of a husband happy to be home. There are so many moments that go unnoticed every day. Today I am grateful to see a few. In the midst of pain, sadness, annoyance, frustration, anger, joy, happiness, beauty, amazement....God is there just waiting to be seen.
I struggle with my temper some days. I have a 3 year old who gets tired, cranky, and 3. She is stubborn, obstinate, focused, hard headed, wonderful, joyful, amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent, and Lord she is smart. One thing I have realized about my 3 year old is that she doesn't know how to vocalize and express her anger in ways that don't just piss me off. When she is unhappy, she screams in my face. Do you see my struggle? She does something to express her displeasure or anger or whatnot but it is in a fashion that makes me crazy. I want to react and scream. But, Alas, I am not 3. This is me recognizing that moment, when what I do makes a difference. I want to help her, but I have no idea what to tell her to do. And sometimes, let's just face it I want to scream also. Some days I do great, some days I do not. Today, I realized what a difference a moment can make. Now I will start looking for those wonderful God moments around me. Because I need it. Maybe some one else does too.
Whitney
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Some Obedience in my Disobedience
What do you want to be when you grow up?? Still don't know?? Me either! I have wanted to do and be many things over my lifetime; a lawyer, a clown, a writer, a chef, a therapist, and I think a cat at one time too. I never once imagined where I would be today. I have asked the question "What do I want to be when I grow up? What can I do to help people? God, what is your will for me today?". For quite a while now, I have felt called to write. Now I have written poetry a long time ago, I have started several books in my head and a few on paper. I thought about a blog. I dismissed all of the thoughts and just kept going with my daily life. It was still nagging at me, but I was great at making excuses as to why I could not possibly do this task. I don't have the time, I don't want to put my self out there that much, What am I going to say, Who cares what I have to say...and so on and so on. Well, I started a bible study of Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer. I was immersed in a world of playing catch up on my "homework" for bible study. I had 10 days of work to catch up on in a short period of time. Boy oh boy does God work in mysterious ways. The more I studied the more I felt I was being like Jonah and ignoring what was asked of me. Then I realized that while I may not know where this is going to head and what I am going to say, it was clear I needed to obey God. He can and will lead me. So here I am, obeying. Not something I usually do well. But if there is one thing I have learned in my life, God's plans are greater, bigger, better than anything I can dream of or imagine.
So, the name...the peace in the river. I was doing a bible study (I don't remember which one...but it was a Beth Moore), and in the video Beth said something to the effect of the bible says peace like a river, now picture a river....really picture it. It is not always calm, it is not always clear. There are ups and downs and rocks and rapids and a few calm moments. Well, I am quite sure there was more to it and I am not claiming to be quoting her, but the idea and image stuck with me. My life is filled with images just like that one. So I try and remember to look for the peace in the river. That is where the name came from.
My plan now...I have no idea. In my head, I have written several blog posts of this nonexistent blog. Now that it is a reality, who knows? Today, I am just getting started. Taking my baby steps of obedience. Maybe later today, or tomorrow, or next week I will have more to say. But it's a start.
Whitney
So, the name...the peace in the river. I was doing a bible study (I don't remember which one...but it was a Beth Moore), and in the video Beth said something to the effect of the bible says peace like a river, now picture a river....really picture it. It is not always calm, it is not always clear. There are ups and downs and rocks and rapids and a few calm moments. Well, I am quite sure there was more to it and I am not claiming to be quoting her, but the idea and image stuck with me. My life is filled with images just like that one. So I try and remember to look for the peace in the river. That is where the name came from.
My plan now...I have no idea. In my head, I have written several blog posts of this nonexistent blog. Now that it is a reality, who knows? Today, I am just getting started. Taking my baby steps of obedience. Maybe later today, or tomorrow, or next week I will have more to say. But it's a start.
Whitney
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