Sometimes life just hits you. Smack in the face. Like a baseball you didn't see coming. Sometimes it is more subtle. This week was a baseball week. I got hit. Straight in the face. Not looking. Completely unaware. Thank God for that.
I went to the doctor to check out a knee pain that has been bothering me for months and months on end. I kept putting it off thinking it would get better. Also because I was afraid of what the doctor would say. I mean lets be honest. I work out average of 5 days a week and train at tae kwon do at least 2 days a week. If something happens to my knee what would I do?! I talked to people I train with asking knee related questions. My pain never seemed to match theirs. So I played out all the scenarios in my head of what was or could be wrong with my knee. So now off I go to the doctor. Lets get some X-rays. Okay. Hey so your knee looks perfect. Hmmmm do what now?? Okay so sometimes it feels as though it running this way and that. Oh really...Yep. Lets back track and look at your hip. Um do what now? Okay.
And so what happened next is really where things changed. X-rays of hip done. Well your knee is perfect but you have horrific arthritis in your hip along with 2 bone spurs. You will need a hip replacement. When you cant handle the pain. So let me get this straight...my knee hurts...its not my knee...I have a really bad hip and need a hip replacement....I'm only 37. Nope nope nope. That's not the scenario that I have worked through and dealt with, lets go back. No. Fine be that way. We talked. I was in a bit of shock. I don't have to have the replacement today. Or even tomorrow. Just when I cant handle the pain anymore. Lots of people manage to go 10-20 years before deciding on the replacement. And there is hope of stem cell research doing something for arthritis before then as well. Oh good. So my husband calls and says what are you doing. Currently sitting in my car crying. I am allowed to be upset. Tomorrow I will be okay. Today I'm sad and upset. And I was. Now I can pinpoint my pain and what it is. Which is weird mind you. Walking through the grocery store with my leg hurting and now knowing its because something is stuck on my bone spur and I just have to wait for it to "un-stick". Awesome.
Several praises also happened. First and foremost that I managed to say but hey it sometimes goes here and here which led to the hip. That things could be way worse. That I have an Awesome and wonderful God. There is no pain in heaven. There are no bad hips in heaven. That I have friends and family that let me cry and know I will be strong the next day. That just listen and let me be sad. That my husband supports me through everything. That once I got over my sadness, I felt determined to press on. To reach goals and persevere.
Then I got knocked on my bottom again. This time by the flu. Man on man. I haven't been taken down like that in a long time. So Tuesday I get the news of my hip and Friday the flu. What a great week. But we had tkd testing Friday night. I mentioned my determination for goals and persevering right?! I'm not that bad. I will test anyway. I have just set this determination. I can't be derailed. Until Saturday that is. So persevere through testing I did. Saturday I felt like death. I hurt. I had a fever. I coughed and struggled breathing. Yay. Super week. But here I sit on Monday morning. Alive. Not well but healing, at least the flu part. God is good. The devil is tricky and conniving. He keeps trying to knock me down. But God keeps picking me up. Because in HIM is my faith and my hope.
I'm trying to use this week to keep me focused. I joke that I feel a little like Paul with my literal thorn in my side. Maybe one day it will be gone. But until then it won't stop me. I may not know exactly what my purpose here on Earth is but I know God isn't done with me. Yet. But Dear Lord please let the coughing stop. I just can't take that anymore. Look for the blessings and praises around you today. It can change your perspective. If you let it.
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, Nobody gonna slow me down, Oh, no, I got to keep on moving..."-Break My Stride- Matthew Wilder
Monday, April 11, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
The Coach in the Day
Something has been nagging me. To write this post. So I am sitting down to do it. Because there is always something getting in the way. Something else that needs to get done. But this post has been written in my head for quite a while now. So I am doing it. God clearly has something for me to put out there. So lets see where this train takes us, shall we?
Are you coachable?
My family and I take taekwondo. We all love it. Sparring made me nervous though. I was talking to some instructors one night after class. In discussing my thoughts and fears, one of them said well it depends on if you are coachable. Will you listen and try and get better? That really resonated with me. A lot. I decided right then and there that I would be coachable. Who wouldn't do that, right?! Well it stuck with me. I think about it a lot. What would make this time of being coachable different? Have I always been coachable? Several things occurred to me. I don't remember the last time I considered myself coachable. Sure I would listen to you and what you had to say, but would I actually do anything different....nah probably not. I knew what I was doing. I knew me. How could you possibly know what I really need? (Oh that is good stuff right?!) One of the 4, 567,932 things I love about my husband is that he does not want to be the smartest person in the room. What? is what you are likely thinking. But it is true. He says there is always stuff he doesn't know and always something new to learn.
Hmmmm could this be true? But surely I know a lot. And BAM reality hit. I don't take well to people telling me what to do. Go figure. But in the case of sparring, if I didn't listen I could get hurt or hurt someone else possibly. So I need to do something different. Yay. I just love stepping out of my comfort zone. (that is dripping with sarcasm in case you missed it). I try now and be more of a sponge and soak it all in. Clearly these people teaching me have done this a few million times already. They may in fact know something I dont. More truthfully is that I know nothing and I need to learn. But to learn I have to listen to the great and not so great, and well, down right ugly. Again my husband and all his sage wisdom teaches me a lot as well. Like when he calls all excited about how he got kicked in the head (we all wear protective gear so no one gets hurt) but he continues on about how he needed to block better and he blocked the next kick. He is an extremely smart man. Who doesn't want to be kicked in the head. Obviously. Learn from people. Listen to people.
Sitting in Bible Study this morning and just listening. Lots of people had something they wanted/needed to share. I kept wanting to jump in because I had something to say as well but the lesson was on Listening. So I sat back and I listened. We are studying Jeremiah by Melissa Spoelstra (it is a really wonderful and meaningful study so far). She was talking about how if we sit down and tell someone things we want to get off our minds and then we walk away. How does that help our relationship and what is accomplished? My thoughts went back again to "Are you coachable?". God wants us to listen to him. To seek him and to hear him. We can hear his word, we can pray certain prayers but are we listening to what he is telling us?? Are we letting him mold us into who He created us to be? Are we coachable??
My journey in life and in my faith is exactly where it needs to be. I am now much more coachable. I am trying to listen more. And not just listen but to hear and act accordingly from what I heard. God is still here. Still with us. Still relevant. But do you hear Him? And when you do, will you listen? Will you be coachable? We may give up on God but God never gives up on us.
Dear Lord,
Help me to be coachable today. To hear you and do your will. I am not the smartest person today so let me learn from the Great Teacher.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Are you coachable?
My family and I take taekwondo. We all love it. Sparring made me nervous though. I was talking to some instructors one night after class. In discussing my thoughts and fears, one of them said well it depends on if you are coachable. Will you listen and try and get better? That really resonated with me. A lot. I decided right then and there that I would be coachable. Who wouldn't do that, right?! Well it stuck with me. I think about it a lot. What would make this time of being coachable different? Have I always been coachable? Several things occurred to me. I don't remember the last time I considered myself coachable. Sure I would listen to you and what you had to say, but would I actually do anything different....nah probably not. I knew what I was doing. I knew me. How could you possibly know what I really need? (Oh that is good stuff right?!) One of the 4, 567,932 things I love about my husband is that he does not want to be the smartest person in the room. What? is what you are likely thinking. But it is true. He says there is always stuff he doesn't know and always something new to learn.
Hmmmm could this be true? But surely I know a lot. And BAM reality hit. I don't take well to people telling me what to do. Go figure. But in the case of sparring, if I didn't listen I could get hurt or hurt someone else possibly. So I need to do something different. Yay. I just love stepping out of my comfort zone. (that is dripping with sarcasm in case you missed it). I try now and be more of a sponge and soak it all in. Clearly these people teaching me have done this a few million times already. They may in fact know something I dont. More truthfully is that I know nothing and I need to learn. But to learn I have to listen to the great and not so great, and well, down right ugly. Again my husband and all his sage wisdom teaches me a lot as well. Like when he calls all excited about how he got kicked in the head (we all wear protective gear so no one gets hurt) but he continues on about how he needed to block better and he blocked the next kick. He is an extremely smart man. Who doesn't want to be kicked in the head. Obviously. Learn from people. Listen to people.
Sitting in Bible Study this morning and just listening. Lots of people had something they wanted/needed to share. I kept wanting to jump in because I had something to say as well but the lesson was on Listening. So I sat back and I listened. We are studying Jeremiah by Melissa Spoelstra (it is a really wonderful and meaningful study so far). She was talking about how if we sit down and tell someone things we want to get off our minds and then we walk away. How does that help our relationship and what is accomplished? My thoughts went back again to "Are you coachable?". God wants us to listen to him. To seek him and to hear him. We can hear his word, we can pray certain prayers but are we listening to what he is telling us?? Are we letting him mold us into who He created us to be? Are we coachable??
My journey in life and in my faith is exactly where it needs to be. I am now much more coachable. I am trying to listen more. And not just listen but to hear and act accordingly from what I heard. God is still here. Still with us. Still relevant. But do you hear Him? And when you do, will you listen? Will you be coachable? We may give up on God but God never gives up on us.
Dear Lord,
Help me to be coachable today. To hear you and do your will. I am not the smartest person today so let me learn from the Great Teacher.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Monday, February 1, 2016
The Post in the Blog
Hey this is still here. Thats awesome. Clearly it has been a while. A long long while since I have written anything. On the blog of course. I have written many pieces. In my head. Where they start and never seem to finish. Today I thought I would try and reverse that trend. So here it goes.
Last week was my birthday. Yay. Not a particularly great day for a lot of reasons but the biggest were that I had a sinus infection (yeah I can't even make it a month into the new year without one) and we had just gotten back from Disney. So I was not in the best of moods anyway. So yesterday we did more of a celebration for my birthday. It was nice. I was given a gift by a dear sweet thoughtful friend that was left on my porch. It is a daily gratitude journal. This meant so much to me because I had been thinking of how grateful I am. Truly. She gave me a place to sort of document it. I had been thinking how I had not a great birthday but it was just a somewhat bad day. Not a bad life. We all have those sometimes. Next a remember what happened 2 years ago thing popped up on Facebook. It was about my mom and when she was in the hospital 3 years ago. Again so grateful she is alive and healing each and every day. I think of how grateful I am that our lives are so different from then and how hard that was. On all of us. She had so much go so wrong in such a short period of time. I was and still am surrounded by the most amazing people in my life. I have been asked how I made it through those difficult times. The truth is I didn't. God carried me through that 1000%. I remember just collapsing in the shower so overcome with helplessness, thinking that I could not even stand up. HE carried me. I am so grateful and thankful and overwhelmed by that. I think of how grateful I am for my life. I mean that with every beat of my heart and breath I take. 10-12 years ago if you had told me where I would be and what I would be doing, I just would have laughed and wondered what was wrong with you. This life I have is wonderful and amazing and I would not trade it for anything. I dont take it for granted because I remember what was before. I know that it can also be gone at any moment. I think of all the things that have changed. I am grateful. I know no of us are perfect but we are sure perfect for each other. I am thankful for my friend who gave me such a wonderful gift and probably had no idea how it would touch me. Now I have a beautifully bound book to write in. Each day. And remember that with each day I have something to be grateful for. Even if it is a bad day. It is not a bad life. Someone may need to hear that today. I am glad. I am grateful. And now I am out of time...
Last week was my birthday. Yay. Not a particularly great day for a lot of reasons but the biggest were that I had a sinus infection (yeah I can't even make it a month into the new year without one) and we had just gotten back from Disney. So I was not in the best of moods anyway. So yesterday we did more of a celebration for my birthday. It was nice. I was given a gift by a dear sweet thoughtful friend that was left on my porch. It is a daily gratitude journal. This meant so much to me because I had been thinking of how grateful I am. Truly. She gave me a place to sort of document it. I had been thinking how I had not a great birthday but it was just a somewhat bad day. Not a bad life. We all have those sometimes. Next a remember what happened 2 years ago thing popped up on Facebook. It was about my mom and when she was in the hospital 3 years ago. Again so grateful she is alive and healing each and every day. I think of how grateful I am that our lives are so different from then and how hard that was. On all of us. She had so much go so wrong in such a short period of time. I was and still am surrounded by the most amazing people in my life. I have been asked how I made it through those difficult times. The truth is I didn't. God carried me through that 1000%. I remember just collapsing in the shower so overcome with helplessness, thinking that I could not even stand up. HE carried me. I am so grateful and thankful and overwhelmed by that. I think of how grateful I am for my life. I mean that with every beat of my heart and breath I take. 10-12 years ago if you had told me where I would be and what I would be doing, I just would have laughed and wondered what was wrong with you. This life I have is wonderful and amazing and I would not trade it for anything. I dont take it for granted because I remember what was before. I know that it can also be gone at any moment. I think of all the things that have changed. I am grateful. I know no of us are perfect but we are sure perfect for each other. I am thankful for my friend who gave me such a wonderful gift and probably had no idea how it would touch me. Now I have a beautifully bound book to write in. Each day. And remember that with each day I have something to be grateful for. Even if it is a bad day. It is not a bad life. Someone may need to hear that today. I am glad. I am grateful. And now I am out of time...
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