I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by people you love. My Christmas was good but will be great when my mom gets out of the hospital. It seems like things just keep coming up. But Praise God they are being caught and dealt with before major issues arise. But that is not what this post is about. Its not even my normal post I think. But a friend of mine came to visit my mom in the hospital. This friend is a dear friend of mine and has been for a long time. She has always been a confident woman not afraid to speak her mind. Anyway, she had lost some weight and looked great (as she always has), and said that she had reached her goal weight and was happy. Well, I thought about that. After I had my daughter, I was rather large. I was under the idea that baby weight just came off. Yep...I could not have been more wrong. Anyway, 2 years later, I have lost the baby weight plus some. I reached my original goal weight. I think most girls just have a number in their head of what they would like to see on the scale. Well, I hit that. Keep in mind, I am doing this the old fashioned way...good ole healthy eating and exercise. It is kind of my hubby and I's thing. We have really gotten into fitness and continue to find and do new programs all the time. Right now we are both doing Les Mills Combat which I love for many reasons. Also eating healthy, we dont like to say diet, because typically when you "lose" weight you find it again. We dont want to do that. So we made a lifestyle change and eat healthy. I get so excited when my sweet daughter eats her fruit and veggies before anything else. Anyway, I digress. So I hit my goal weight and said...hmmmm I wonder if I can do an extra 10 pounds. I am about 5 pounds down with 5 left to go. Then I just want to stay fit and healthy.
But during this journey, I realized I had never felt confident in myself. Not that I can think of ever. I have always had extra pounds to lose. Again in the hospital, someone was visiting my mom and was speaking of her specialty red velvet cakes (one of my favorites next to these super yummy cupcakes a precious lady in bible study makes). She said she could bring me one, and I said something to the effect of its not good for my eating habits. She replied with something to the effect of you are not going to lose 22 pounds like so and so did when so and so was in the hospital are you. I replied for the first time in my life that I dont actually have 22 pounds to lose. Yet, I am still not comfortable/confident with how I look. Mainly my belly. I feel like no matter how much I have worked, there is still that little pooch that reminds me of jello. Yes, I should wear my mommy belly proudly, as I carried a wonderful child in there but it still escapes. Yes I like myself, there are things about my self I would change (the jello pooch is obvious) but for the most part I like who I am and what I look like, but I have never exuded that confidence my friend had. I may look confident to others as they pass by, but sometimes I feel thats just real world training. You can't look weak or insecure. I want that confidence in myself. I know it is and I am a work in progress. I am already liking the results I am seeing 2 weeks into my combat journey, but I wonder how many people feel like I do? I will never be the size 0 or 2. I am not structurally built that way. But I should be proud of my journey and who I am and who cares what I look like. God loves me and so does my husband. I dont know. Maybe I am just weird. There are just days when I need to take my mind off all that is going on right now. I guess this was the winner today. For those of you who read this I encourage you to hug and kiss your loved ones. Treasure them for they are treasures. Also, remember that no matter what God loves you. No matter what is going on in your life, He is there and always will be. Turn your eyes to the Lord.
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