Well a lot has happened since my last post. My mom got out of the hospital, she went back in, and she got out again. She is still struggling and she desperately needs all the prayers she can get. But today is not about that or her struggles. Today is my birthday. It has been a mostly fantastic day. I was with my family and that is what matters most to me. The funny thing about this is that I have had a complex about my age since I turned 25. 9 years later....I think I am over it. My sister told me once that the thirties have been the best ages for her. She really discovered herself in her thirties (I may be misstating) and how comfortable she is in herself. I was really in awe of her for that.
My thirties started when I was pregnant with my daughter, and have just gotten better since then. I think it is awesome that my grandmother was thirty years old when she had my mom, my mom was thirty when she had me, I was thirty when I had my daughter. Just something that happened but pretty special to me. In my thirties I have become a mother, had a battle with weight that I struggle with my whole life...and won for about 2 years now, came to the strongest relationship I could have never imagined with Christ my Savior, started and complete a few bible studies, continued to help people, learned a delicate balance of my life (yes it gets off balance a lot but it is a start), started to truly become comfortable in my own skin, lost the harsh alligator skin that I had for too many years, shed a lot of my sarcastic nature, take life a little less seriously, did things I NEVER thought I would do, become a version of myself that is more of who I am than I ever knew existed, become comfortable with my self, had hard conversations with people that really needed to happen, forgiven myself for many things and asked forgiveness for many things, learned the true meaning of marriage and love, moved away from the past and looked to the future, dealt with some of my own issues that I didnt really want to face. Now while that may be the longest run on sentence ever, it is just a little of how I feel. Those things never seemed attainable to me. True happiness in God, a marriage of love and trust and gratitude that is my fairy tale come true. My amazing husband knows that even when I dont say the right thing, he knows whats in my heart. I mean I am seriously bad about opening presents and saying something ridiculous. He (now) laughs and hugs me and knows what I was really trying to say. I am so very blessed beyond measure. God has been so very good to us. My sweet hubby said "I hope you like what I got you." It wasnt about the gifts to me, it was that he was there. We went to breakfast as a family. We ran errands as a family. We opened presents as a family. We had lunch as a family. You get the idea. We were all together. We went to see my parents. I took time to sit and talk/yell at my mom. Not really yell, just hopefully inspire and light that fire that she needs right now, I did get a wee fired up and got louder. But hey who is shocked by that...
My point is this, at age 19 I had a lot of knowledge and wisdom that people that age never fathomed, but I still had a lot of growing up to do. I did. There are still more things to learn, do, live, get over etc. But I have come so far. That brings such a smile to my face. Its my birthday. I used to run and slink away from it. Now I think I will relish it. I saw something somewhere (very specific I know) that said You should not be upset about getting older. Not everyone gets that privilege. That may not be the exact words but you get the idea. It gave me a lot of perspective. I may not be the coolest or hippest person out there. But I am me. And that is good enough. Praise God for that! Thank you to my family and friends who have been with me through this journey. You are all truly Godsends! You are good enough too, in case some one hasnt told you lately.
Whitney
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
The Glory in the Disaster
The last 5 weeks and 2 days have had my mom in the hospital. Tomorrow she is supposed to go home. She has (in my opinion) been to hell and back during this time. Chaos, illness, surgery, and more complications and ups and downs than I could have ever imagined have happened during this time. My dad and I have been up just about every day...until we got sick. My dad, my daughter, and I all managed to go down at the same time. My husband is the last man standing. We are all getting better. But today when I got the news that mom gets to come home tomorrow I immediately started praising God. Of course. That is natural. But what I was praising Him for struck me as funny. It reminds me of James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
I had been on the phone with my dad and we were having a wonderful conversation about the book of Ecclesiastes. I praised God for how my relationship with my dad has grown during this time. We have banded and bonded together, and it is good for us on many levels. I praised God for the prayer warriors who have been with us and stuck by us since day one. I praised God for the prayer warriors that I didnt know were there. I praised God for the all uplifting and encouraging emails, texts, phone calls, face book messages that all of us have received. I praised God that when all of us were ready to give up, that He was there and He was faithful. I praised God for hearing our cries, and they were there daily in multitudes. I praised God for the people who took over without even asking or being asked to step in and help take care of and be there for my mother when we could not. I praised God for such an amazing surrounding of people that I will never look at the same. I praised God because I am so grateful for everyone during this time that my words dont seem to be enough, and that seems to be okay. I praised God for my sister, I talked/messaged with her more during all of this than I had in the whole 10 months they had been gone. I needed that. I needed her. Still do. I praised God at how amazingly well Haley has handled everything from the hospital, to after the surgery, all of it. I praised God for our faithfulness even when we felt tested. I know many years ago, all of us would have handled this differently. I just simply praised God. I still am. I will continue to.
When I first studied James (with my amazing bible study ladies) I looked at that verse with such trepidation. I now know that I have lived it, and it is hard but it is true. There are a few times we weren't sure that things were going to turn out the way we wanted, to put it politely. But we remained faithful in our prayers and in our God. He is the great physician. We have persevered. We will continue to persevere. There is still an uphill battle with her recovery, but He can do it and so can we. We will be strong and faithful. I never would have imagined this road 5 weeks ago, and I dont want to do it again. But I can find the joy in the pain. I was able to ask for help, and when it was offered, accept help graciously, that is something I am beyond horrible at. I am grateful that so many people around us were here for us. It means the world to all of us. Thank you friends. Thank you family. Thank you God. By no means is it over but I feel like she will be so much happier at home. So I praise God. He is great. Tomorrow our new "trials of many kinds" begin, but with God, we can do this. Be faithful dear friends.
Whitney
I had been on the phone with my dad and we were having a wonderful conversation about the book of Ecclesiastes. I praised God for how my relationship with my dad has grown during this time. We have banded and bonded together, and it is good for us on many levels. I praised God for the prayer warriors who have been with us and stuck by us since day one. I praised God for the prayer warriors that I didnt know were there. I praised God for the all uplifting and encouraging emails, texts, phone calls, face book messages that all of us have received. I praised God that when all of us were ready to give up, that He was there and He was faithful. I praised God for hearing our cries, and they were there daily in multitudes. I praised God for the people who took over without even asking or being asked to step in and help take care of and be there for my mother when we could not. I praised God for such an amazing surrounding of people that I will never look at the same. I praised God because I am so grateful for everyone during this time that my words dont seem to be enough, and that seems to be okay. I praised God for my sister, I talked/messaged with her more during all of this than I had in the whole 10 months they had been gone. I needed that. I needed her. Still do. I praised God at how amazingly well Haley has handled everything from the hospital, to after the surgery, all of it. I praised God for our faithfulness even when we felt tested. I know many years ago, all of us would have handled this differently. I just simply praised God. I still am. I will continue to.
When I first studied James (with my amazing bible study ladies) I looked at that verse with such trepidation. I now know that I have lived it, and it is hard but it is true. There are a few times we weren't sure that things were going to turn out the way we wanted, to put it politely. But we remained faithful in our prayers and in our God. He is the great physician. We have persevered. We will continue to persevere. There is still an uphill battle with her recovery, but He can do it and so can we. We will be strong and faithful. I never would have imagined this road 5 weeks ago, and I dont want to do it again. But I can find the joy in the pain. I was able to ask for help, and when it was offered, accept help graciously, that is something I am beyond horrible at. I am grateful that so many people around us were here for us. It means the world to all of us. Thank you friends. Thank you family. Thank you God. By no means is it over but I feel like she will be so much happier at home. So I praise God. He is great. Tomorrow our new "trials of many kinds" begin, but with God, we can do this. Be faithful dear friends.
Whitney
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The Crazy in the Chaos
So in this past month, my world has really been turned upside down. With my mom being so sick, basically we have been to the hospital, to home, to the hospital, to the grocery store, to the hospital, to home. Christmas came and went and my mom is still in the hospital. New Years' same thing. Since school stopped, my poor child has basically had mommy, daddy when he is home from work, and back and forth from the hospital. She is going crazy. I am going crazy. My house is a never ending mess it feels like. I feel so spread thin that I don't even know what to do with myself. And worse is that when I sit still I feel guilty because I know my poor dad is going even more crazy than I am. I want/need to take care of my family and my responsibilities, but I want to be at the hospital for my mom, try and help my dad when he will let me, keep everyone updated on my moms condition, and in the midst of this my incredible husband studied basically nonstop since Christmas for his hardest certification yet. Dear Lord, I am tired. I need just a few minutes of peace and quiet, and also a clean house would be nice. I will even clean my house if I could have someone entertain or be entertained by my child for a few hours. God is so good. He has been our rock through this whole ordeal. My faith has been tested and grown during all of this.
It's very easy to fall into the woe is me thought when things are not going as planned, or not going well. My entire family has been lifted up by prayer, faith, friends, love, and God. This season has taught us all something. Definitely to be thankful for our health and the loved ones that surround us. I have been truly amazed and encouraged and lifted up by the outpouring of love and prayers that are coming our way. It is such a Godly awesomeness. So why do I feel so beat down, well a month of this will take its toll on anyone. I am not trying to complain or whine. Really I think I would just feel better if I had a clean house. I do so much better when my house is clean. Next week, my little one is back in school so that will make me feel better when at least she is getting to interact with other kiddos again. Luckily for her, she got some pretty awesome and entertaining things for Christmas. I know life will not just go back to normal for us from this point, but it will feel more normal when I get to run to my parents house to visit and help out. Hospitals are just draining I think. Thats what it feel like right now anyway. It will get better. God is good, faithful, never ending, never leaving. I thank all who have thought and prayed for us. We have a long way to go, but we are hopeful in Him.
Whitney
It's very easy to fall into the woe is me thought when things are not going as planned, or not going well. My entire family has been lifted up by prayer, faith, friends, love, and God. This season has taught us all something. Definitely to be thankful for our health and the loved ones that surround us. I have been truly amazed and encouraged and lifted up by the outpouring of love and prayers that are coming our way. It is such a Godly awesomeness. So why do I feel so beat down, well a month of this will take its toll on anyone. I am not trying to complain or whine. Really I think I would just feel better if I had a clean house. I do so much better when my house is clean. Next week, my little one is back in school so that will make me feel better when at least she is getting to interact with other kiddos again. Luckily for her, she got some pretty awesome and entertaining things for Christmas. I know life will not just go back to normal for us from this point, but it will feel more normal when I get to run to my parents house to visit and help out. Hospitals are just draining I think. Thats what it feel like right now anyway. It will get better. God is good, faithful, never ending, never leaving. I thank all who have thought and prayed for us. We have a long way to go, but we are hopeful in Him.
Whitney
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