Sometimes life just hits you. Smack in the face. Like a baseball you didn't see coming. Sometimes it is more subtle. This week was a baseball week. I got hit. Straight in the face. Not looking. Completely unaware. Thank God for that.
I went to the doctor to check out a knee pain that has been bothering me for months and months on end. I kept putting it off thinking it would get better. Also because I was afraid of what the doctor would say. I mean lets be honest. I work out average of 5 days a week and train at tae kwon do at least 2 days a week. If something happens to my knee what would I do?! I talked to people I train with asking knee related questions. My pain never seemed to match theirs. So I played out all the scenarios in my head of what was or could be wrong with my knee. So now off I go to the doctor. Lets get some X-rays. Okay. Hey so your knee looks perfect. Hmmmm do what now?? Okay so sometimes it feels as though it running this way and that. Oh really...Yep. Lets back track and look at your hip. Um do what now? Okay.
And so what happened next is really where things changed. X-rays of hip done. Well your knee is perfect but you have horrific arthritis in your hip along with 2 bone spurs. You will need a hip replacement. When you cant handle the pain. So let me get this straight...my knee hurts...its not my knee...I have a really bad hip and need a hip replacement....I'm only 37. Nope nope nope. That's not the scenario that I have worked through and dealt with, lets go back. No. Fine be that way. We talked. I was in a bit of shock. I don't have to have the replacement today. Or even tomorrow. Just when I cant handle the pain anymore. Lots of people manage to go 10-20 years before deciding on the replacement. And there is hope of stem cell research doing something for arthritis before then as well. Oh good. So my husband calls and says what are you doing. Currently sitting in my car crying. I am allowed to be upset. Tomorrow I will be okay. Today I'm sad and upset. And I was. Now I can pinpoint my pain and what it is. Which is weird mind you. Walking through the grocery store with my leg hurting and now knowing its because something is stuck on my bone spur and I just have to wait for it to "un-stick". Awesome.
Several praises also happened. First and foremost that I managed to say but hey it sometimes goes here and here which led to the hip. That things could be way worse. That I have an Awesome and wonderful God. There is no pain in heaven. There are no bad hips in heaven. That I have friends and family that let me cry and know I will be strong the next day. That just listen and let me be sad. That my husband supports me through everything. That once I got over my sadness, I felt determined to press on. To reach goals and persevere.
Then I got knocked on my bottom again. This time by the flu. Man on man. I haven't been taken down like that in a long time. So Tuesday I get the news of my hip and Friday the flu. What a great week. But we had tkd testing Friday night. I mentioned my determination for goals and persevering right?! I'm not that bad. I will test anyway. I have just set this determination. I can't be derailed. Until Saturday that is. So persevere through testing I did. Saturday I felt like death. I hurt. I had a fever. I coughed and struggled breathing. Yay. Super week. But here I sit on Monday morning. Alive. Not well but healing, at least the flu part. God is good. The devil is tricky and conniving. He keeps trying to knock me down. But God keeps picking me up. Because in HIM is my faith and my hope.
I'm trying to use this week to keep me focused. I joke that I feel a little like Paul with my literal thorn in my side. Maybe one day it will be gone. But until then it won't stop me. I may not know exactly what my purpose here on Earth is but I know God isn't done with me. Yet. But Dear Lord please let the coughing stop. I just can't take that anymore. Look for the blessings and praises around you today. It can change your perspective. If you let it.
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, Nobody gonna slow me down, Oh, no, I got to keep on moving..."-Break My Stride- Matthew Wilder
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