Well a lot has happened since my last post. My mom got out of the hospital, she went back in, and she got out again. She is still struggling and she desperately needs all the prayers she can get. But today is not about that or her struggles. Today is my birthday. It has been a mostly fantastic day. I was with my family and that is what matters most to me. The funny thing about this is that I have had a complex about my age since I turned 25. 9 years later....I think I am over it. My sister told me once that the thirties have been the best ages for her. She really discovered herself in her thirties (I may be misstating) and how comfortable she is in herself. I was really in awe of her for that.
My thirties started when I was pregnant with my daughter, and have just gotten better since then. I think it is awesome that my grandmother was thirty years old when she had my mom, my mom was thirty when she had me, I was thirty when I had my daughter. Just something that happened but pretty special to me. In my thirties I have become a mother, had a battle with weight that I struggle with my whole life...and won for about 2 years now, came to the strongest relationship I could have never imagined with Christ my Savior, started and complete a few bible studies, continued to help people, learned a delicate balance of my life (yes it gets off balance a lot but it is a start), started to truly become comfortable in my own skin, lost the harsh alligator skin that I had for too many years, shed a lot of my sarcastic nature, take life a little less seriously, did things I NEVER thought I would do, become a version of myself that is more of who I am than I ever knew existed, become comfortable with my self, had hard conversations with people that really needed to happen, forgiven myself for many things and asked forgiveness for many things, learned the true meaning of marriage and love, moved away from the past and looked to the future, dealt with some of my own issues that I didnt really want to face. Now while that may be the longest run on sentence ever, it is just a little of how I feel. Those things never seemed attainable to me. True happiness in God, a marriage of love and trust and gratitude that is my fairy tale come true. My amazing husband knows that even when I dont say the right thing, he knows whats in my heart. I mean I am seriously bad about opening presents and saying something ridiculous. He (now) laughs and hugs me and knows what I was really trying to say. I am so very blessed beyond measure. God has been so very good to us. My sweet hubby said "I hope you like what I got you." It wasnt about the gifts to me, it was that he was there. We went to breakfast as a family. We ran errands as a family. We opened presents as a family. We had lunch as a family. You get the idea. We were all together. We went to see my parents. I took time to sit and talk/yell at my mom. Not really yell, just hopefully inspire and light that fire that she needs right now, I did get a wee fired up and got louder. But hey who is shocked by that...
My point is this, at age 19 I had a lot of knowledge and wisdom that people that age never fathomed, but I still had a lot of growing up to do. I did. There are still more things to learn, do, live, get over etc. But I have come so far. That brings such a smile to my face. Its my birthday. I used to run and slink away from it. Now I think I will relish it. I saw something somewhere (very specific I know) that said You should not be upset about getting older. Not everyone gets that privilege. That may not be the exact words but you get the idea. It gave me a lot of perspective. I may not be the coolest or hippest person out there. But I am me. And that is good enough. Praise God for that! Thank you to my family and friends who have been with me through this journey. You are all truly Godsends! You are good enough too, in case some one hasnt told you lately.
Whitney
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