I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by people you love. My Christmas was good but will be great when my mom gets out of the hospital. It seems like things just keep coming up. But Praise God they are being caught and dealt with before major issues arise. But that is not what this post is about. Its not even my normal post I think. But a friend of mine came to visit my mom in the hospital. This friend is a dear friend of mine and has been for a long time. She has always been a confident woman not afraid to speak her mind. Anyway, she had lost some weight and looked great (as she always has), and said that she had reached her goal weight and was happy. Well, I thought about that. After I had my daughter, I was rather large. I was under the idea that baby weight just came off. Yep...I could not have been more wrong. Anyway, 2 years later, I have lost the baby weight plus some. I reached my original goal weight. I think most girls just have a number in their head of what they would like to see on the scale. Well, I hit that. Keep in mind, I am doing this the old fashioned way...good ole healthy eating and exercise. It is kind of my hubby and I's thing. We have really gotten into fitness and continue to find and do new programs all the time. Right now we are both doing Les Mills Combat which I love for many reasons. Also eating healthy, we dont like to say diet, because typically when you "lose" weight you find it again. We dont want to do that. So we made a lifestyle change and eat healthy. I get so excited when my sweet daughter eats her fruit and veggies before anything else. Anyway, I digress. So I hit my goal weight and said...hmmmm I wonder if I can do an extra 10 pounds. I am about 5 pounds down with 5 left to go. Then I just want to stay fit and healthy.
But during this journey, I realized I had never felt confident in myself. Not that I can think of ever. I have always had extra pounds to lose. Again in the hospital, someone was visiting my mom and was speaking of her specialty red velvet cakes (one of my favorites next to these super yummy cupcakes a precious lady in bible study makes). She said she could bring me one, and I said something to the effect of its not good for my eating habits. She replied with something to the effect of you are not going to lose 22 pounds like so and so did when so and so was in the hospital are you. I replied for the first time in my life that I dont actually have 22 pounds to lose. Yet, I am still not comfortable/confident with how I look. Mainly my belly. I feel like no matter how much I have worked, there is still that little pooch that reminds me of jello. Yes, I should wear my mommy belly proudly, as I carried a wonderful child in there but it still escapes. Yes I like myself, there are things about my self I would change (the jello pooch is obvious) but for the most part I like who I am and what I look like, but I have never exuded that confidence my friend had. I may look confident to others as they pass by, but sometimes I feel thats just real world training. You can't look weak or insecure. I want that confidence in myself. I know it is and I am a work in progress. I am already liking the results I am seeing 2 weeks into my combat journey, but I wonder how many people feel like I do? I will never be the size 0 or 2. I am not structurally built that way. But I should be proud of my journey and who I am and who cares what I look like. God loves me and so does my husband. I dont know. Maybe I am just weird. There are just days when I need to take my mind off all that is going on right now. I guess this was the winner today. For those of you who read this I encourage you to hug and kiss your loved ones. Treasure them for they are treasures. Also, remember that no matter what God loves you. No matter what is going on in your life, He is there and always will be. Turn your eyes to the Lord.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The Heartbreak in the Season
We finished Nehemiah at the beginning on December. The name of the study was Nehemiah, A heart that can break. Well this December has been filled with tragedy and sadness in all directions for me. My precious mom has been sick and is in the hospital. We are not sure when she will be getting out, but we are praying before Christmas. A friends sisters husband had a heart attack and passed away at the age of 42, leaving behind his wife and 2 children. Another friends friend sister was killed in a car accident leaving behind her husband and 4 kiddos 3 of which are very young. Oh yeah and she was pregnant. Then yesterday the senseless killing of so many innocent children and teachers who died protecting them. Not to mention the previous months of losing my grandmother and my husbands grandfather. My heart is broken. Truly broken. The brokenness of it all is so much especially at this joyful time of year. I myself have been busy and exhausted. With my mom in the hospital, all my "plans" have been altered. I try and get up there most days to see her and spend some time with her. Other days I just cant. When I cant, it breaks my heart again. I don't know if I have ever felt so broken over a Christmas season. But what I do know is that I have felt closer to God because of it all. I have cried out to him, it feels like every day. My daily prayers have changed to crying out to him for healing and comfort of all those broken around me. It just seems natural to do so. Yesterday, I left extra early to pick up my daughter from preschool and hold her extra tight. I took her to Sweet Cece's just because I could. Last night there was a cookie exchange that I missed, because my husband works so very hard so I can stay home, so I sat and snuggled with my girl and read her books until bed time. I thought of those who could no longer do that, and I was sad for them and grateful to hold my little girl in my arms. I have seen political rhetoric asking for a ban of guns, more help for the mentally disabled and more.
Here are my thoughts, no one could have seen this coming. I think we are affected by this because they were small innocent children who did not deserve this (not that anyone does but we hold children in higher regard as a society). People in general want to blame someone or something, guns, God, mental ability etc. Lets all be real for a minute....guns don't kill people and a gun ban will just bring about more guns, God had nothing to do with this, evil exists and this is proof, God will be there for those families and what He will do with it is only known to Him alone, as for mental ability, I have no information to bring to that other than no one can know the thoughts of every single person at every single moment of every single day. It just cant happen. People want to blame. How about instead looking to God and trying to live as He guides us to. True peace can only come from Him. Peace like a River. I cannot imagine being one of those parents in Connecticut, but I will continue to pray for them, and all the families right now that need prayers. Instead of trying to place blame and throw our political ideas out there, lets try to grieve as a country, pray as a country, and live as children of God. In the tragedy that surrounds us, I find comfort in seeing more and more people turning their eyes to the Lord. Maybe thats we are getting out of this. Remembering that Jesus is the reason for the Season. Our Savior was born and died for us. Let us not forget that fact. I leave you with something I saw on Facebook and thought appropriate to share:
This was written by Max Lucado today and is a prayer that could could spill from any of our hearts this evening:
Dear Jesus,
It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. T
Here are my thoughts, no one could have seen this coming. I think we are affected by this because they were small innocent children who did not deserve this (not that anyone does but we hold children in higher regard as a society). People in general want to blame someone or something, guns, God, mental ability etc. Lets all be real for a minute....guns don't kill people and a gun ban will just bring about more guns, God had nothing to do with this, evil exists and this is proof, God will be there for those families and what He will do with it is only known to Him alone, as for mental ability, I have no information to bring to that other than no one can know the thoughts of every single person at every single moment of every single day. It just cant happen. People want to blame. How about instead looking to God and trying to live as He guides us to. True peace can only come from Him. Peace like a River. I cannot imagine being one of those parents in Connecticut, but I will continue to pray for them, and all the families right now that need prayers. Instead of trying to place blame and throw our political ideas out there, lets try to grieve as a country, pray as a country, and live as children of God. In the tragedy that surrounds us, I find comfort in seeing more and more people turning their eyes to the Lord. Maybe thats we are getting out of this. Remembering that Jesus is the reason for the Season. Our Savior was born and died for us. Let us not forget that fact. I leave you with something I saw on Facebook and thought appropriate to share:
This was written by Max Lucado today and is a prayer that could could spill from any of our hearts this evening:
Dear Jesus,
It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. T
icked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children
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